self-destruction

As humans, we have these incredible minds and bodies, but sometimes they get wired up in ways that aren't exactly useful for the situations that we find ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our cultures, families, or groups of friends show us, or teach us ways of thinking that just aren't useful at all for what we'd like to accomplish. Or maybe, after a big screw up in our lifes ( just like my case ) we get so fucked up, we say we dont want another case like that,we can get along well just being alone, but we cant!
We humans, or maybe its just me, but anyways, we do have a real problem in finding ways to get along with each other... and of course, finding ways to deal with a person we like, a person of the opposite sex. I personally think that one of the biggest causes of fear when it comes to situations with women is: putting too much importance on what the woman thinks of me and what happens in that particular situation. To put it in different words, most guys, including me, don't take action because they're afraid that they'll screw up, or that the woman or others around will judge them.
The real problem though is that this whole process has become automatic, and it happens instantly the moment i see a woman that i would like to meet. Before i even have a chance to think about the situation rationally, i become nervous and insecure. its because i`m screwed up seriously at the moment.i have no ideea about what i really want.
I have to realize that it doesn`t really matter. It doesn`t matter what happens, and it doesn't matter what she thinks of me. This bullshit is coming more from programming myself towards it, than from reality.

i have to set my life back on track, like it was a few years before....and i will, hopefully.

no post without a video, so...here it is:
Note to self : i dont even wanna` be hardcore no more...i wanna` be like i was a couple of years ago...that was just fine :D